Memories
by Ryous lil Tenshi
Summary: One lonely night, Ryou goes through a box of old photographs, and remembers people and times long past. It's weird... Oneshot


Eh... This is weird. I had to write a introspective for a friend, but she doesn't know what I wrote was fanfiction, so I used no names. It's Ryou though, of course. XD

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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The rain beats on the tin roof, like thousands of tiny hammers. The sound echoes hauntingly around the room, but I ignore the sound, crouched on my knees in the frigid, dusty room. My breaths fogs in front of me, a phantom of steam, before furling into nothingness. The light bulb, a small yellow moon, casts a dim glow among the dismal scene. The attic.

My knees hurt, a painful throbbing crackling up my legs, but I ignore the sensation. The open cardboard carton resides in front of me, one of the few things in the dark, musty room. My fingers are shaking, from the cold, or from emotion, I don't know. I lift one of the photographs from the dented box, gazing at the faces that stare back at me. So happy, so carefree… What happened? I blink hurriedly, the burning at the back of my eyes increasing. _Don't cry_. I commanded myself, taking a long breath. _Don't cry. You've cried enough these past months_.

How can you be on top of the world, how can you have everything, only to have it snatched cruelly from your grasp in a few bare months? I run a finger along the photograph. Mother has been dead a long time, but not a day goes by when I don't think about her. Or my sister. I blink again, but this time, I cannot suppress the saline drops of water that slowly trickle down my face. Every day I wonder about why they were taken, two innocent people, a mother and daughter. They never did any wrong. I wonder about why they were taken, and why I was left behind, with a grief-stricken father that didn't love me.

I drop the photograph before I break down. My fingers are blue in the midwinter chill, but I bend down, looking into my carton of memories. Pale hair falls into my eyes, and I push the strands away angrily. _I should get a hair cut_. I have been pondering on this for a long time. Maybe if I remove my long hair, so much like Mothers, maybe I wouldn't miss her so much. Maybe if I cut it off, something that **he** loved so much, it won't hurt. I need to be a new person. My world has fallen away, leaving nothing but a dark abyss, a cavern that has swallowed my life. I need to be stronger, I need to fight. **He** would have wanted that, too. I swallow a sob as I lift out another photograph from the box. It's **him** this time. I took the picture just a week before he left. Although it was a freezing November day, he wore no jacket, choosing instead to don his favourite tank top. I stare at his long blonde hair, contrasting with his dark skin, his beautiful eyes. I loved him. Loved? I still do. I can't help but sob as I set the picture back in the box. My eyes fell in the box. There are so many things in here. Childhood treasures, presents, many, many photographs…

I heft the small velvet box in my hands. The tears flow thicker as I lift the lid and stare at the ring. The diamond is small, set in a band of silver.** He** didn't have that much money. But I never wanted money, only his love. I imagine the scene in my mind. **Him** going down on one knee, asking those words, sweet words of eternal love. Words he never got to utter. Paradise was only a few seconds away. Sweet paradise, which I shall never experience. **He** left me, resigning me to this Hell. I shiver in the cold, but I don't feel inclined to go down. Not yet. I want to stay up here with my memories. Broken, splintered objects of moments long past. _Why did you leave me? I loved you, more than the air I breathe. Why did you have to leave me_?

It certainly is getting colder. I raise my eyes to the ceiling, hearing the rain pelt harder. Night must give way into the dawn, soon. Dawn will bring the opening of the gates. I will be able to see** him** again, even if it only for a little while. Despite myself, a small shadow of a smile makes the corners of my lips twitch. My love. After Mother and Sister left me, I never thought grief would cause so much pain again, but I was wrong. So very wrong…

I can go and live with them, I know this. The ticket to my destination is in the box. I lift the small, but fatal knife in shaking hands. Many times, this thought has tempted me. What do I have to live for? A box of broken memories? A practically non-existent relative? Father does not love me like he loved Mother and Sister, but he could not cope with me leaving. My tears drip onto the quicksilver blade, momentarily steaming the shiny surface. I am weak. Many times I have tried to begin the journey, but I can never manage to make that first slice. I fear pain. I am no stranger to the sensation, physical or emotional, but I am still afraid of it. No matter. For soon enough, I am sure, my ticket will come to me soon. It has been many days since I last ate a morsel of food, the toll on my body is beginning to show fast. Hunger never became a feeling to me- I felt numb after **he** left for weeks. I shall waste away, and float on into **his** waiting arms. By my hand or not, I shall soon be with them again. Mother, Sister, oh I've missed you so for these past years, and **you**, who I have missed the most, I shall be with **you** soon.

These memories will wait, for the dark shadow of the night is lifting. I drop the knife back into my special carton, and seal it, as I do every night. I wince as I stand up, feeling bones click. I was in that position for many hours. I must go and see **him**, maybe tell him off my plan. It's getting harder and harder to walk down to **his** home now. Yesterday, it was nearly an hour before I could reach **him**, and kneel down beside **his** bed. They look at me when I talk to **him**. People with pity in their eyes and soft words from their mouths. _Poor Boy_, they say. _Poor thing, to lose his lover so young_. I hate it when they talk like that. **He's** not gone. Just… Away. And soon I shall meet him. I cast my eyes to the small window, staring at Dawn's pale fingers stretch across the sky. If I go now, I will be there when the gates open. I leave the carton of memories in the dusty attic, along in the dark.

Just for now.

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R&R? Is ya don't understand anything, bung it in a review and I'll try and explain. -.-'


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